hihowareya-blog

Overwhelmed and insane. Breathe breathe breathe. Got some cheap-ass beer and am cooling it in my car. Rock on hardcore. Gotta clean up my house, at least some of the messes I've made. Been trying to go through shit and photo it and pack it away so I can try and sell some of it but there's just so much here that it's so daunting and overwhelming. So now I'll just cram it all back away into boxes I guess to get it out of sight sorta. My mom is trying to get someone to live here again. So then, now I have to decide where I should move my room. Keep it where it is, or move into my brother's room. My room is adjacent to the master bedroom, which is what we'd be renting out, and see, the heat for this big master bedroom also controls my heat. So, that's good, with my room being all filled with crap, that there won't be much more heat wasted. However, since we have a 3rd bedroom up there that could be rented out, and that has its own heating control, then it would make more sense that if we had two renters that they take the master bedroom and then my bedroom, and I'd be left with that third bedroom... It's hard to explain, and a diagram would be better, and really it's more like I'm talking to a brick wall the way I am now so I might as well just get to work on cleaning up the downstairs at least. Maybe on a break I can take some time and sketch up a floor plan of my upstairs and see what others think on the matter. Sorry, I'm out of it. Went 3 days with Lamictal, might've missed a day of Effexor, overdosed on vicodin and clonopin and that sucked but not too too bad, just made me so tired for a day and a half and still sorta in a weird annoying drunk kinda daze. While driving home from getting my prescriptions today, I was thinking how I thought I might want to be a teacher. This thought was spawned after me singing along to some song on the radio of some punkish band with someone with a bad voice but still it sounds cool, and then I thought about how my cousin's boyfriend is in a band and I asked if they needed a singer and that I'm always available. Well, then I thought that if I were a high school teacher, how kick ass or possibly lame that would be for me to be in my student's band. Yeah, I doubt that could happen. And then I started thinking about if the kids would think I'm fat or pretty or stupid or uncool or cool or I dunno what. But also with high school and before there's always drama and I don't really want to get mixed up in that sorta kid drama because that can get dangerous and mind twisting. And then I thought I'd like to maybe be a college prof, because at least then I could possibly be a tad cooler, maybe, or at least not feel guilty if I went out smoking or drinking with my students or whatever. But yeah, with getting into teaching, at least at the college level, I'd need some graduate degree/experience, and I can't get that since I sucked as an undergrad for the most past since I struggled with my various illnesses and it's, gah, how do you say to people that the reason why you got C's and D's was because you tried to kill yourself and was forced into a psychiatric hospital and kicked out of school and then struggled with medication management and all the while terrible family issues? No one wants to hire a fuck up like me and who has a history of be less-than stable. :-( I mean, yeah, I finally did graduate, from a kick-ass school, but if you look at my transcript, it's rather tarnished and it's quite depressing to me. My GPA was like 2.5 or something. :-( A far cry from my nearly perfect one in high school. Though at MIT I've got practially a perfect GPA, since I cross-registered there...wouldn't it be sneaky of me to use my MIT GPA, and then people might not realize that they grade on a 5.0 scale... :-P Fack. OK, said I was going to clean, so maybe I will try and do a 15 minute thing at least and if I really get bummed out I can continue to write another blog or perhaps email or something and start the process over again and again. Wish me luck! AHHHHHHHH crazy head. I'd love a lot of tattoos. I'd like piercings, but my previous ones have been really bothering me, maybe I can talk to someone about that. Been told that since they were the gun ones and not needle that they will always hurt, since they're against a nerve or something. I've tried to leave them in for months at a time but still they hurt like heck (these are cartilage ones). I do have one cartilage piercing that has always been fine and dandy, and I don't even notice it in. I wish I could be cool and go out and party and go to bars and have guys buy me drinks. I might wanna try that some time soon, see how that works. It's not like I want to get with anyone, since I love my fave, and that's a whole nother talk there about our issues, and it's mainly to do with my mom really, but other things too I guess. BUT OK really I said I was going to go.

Can I just say that Batman in IMAX is pretty much the coolest most amazing thing ever. God. Really. Amazing. Heath Ledger's Joker was, imho, the best acting performance of all time. Still haunts me. I love Batman. And I'm totally jonesing for the new Watchmen movie. Can't wait. xoxoxo