I want to know how to not be so affected by my mom.
Things she says and does just drain me so much, make me feel so horrible, and can even run me down so much that I feel suicidal.
My neck stiffens, my head becomes painful from pressure, and my heart and stomach hurt. I try and recognize the start of these feelings, but they can quickly become triggered and spread and become debilitating.
And I need to be with her since she's dying. But I don't know how long I can survive myself, since I am constantly being pushed closer and closer to the edge...
Sigh.
I wonder if you could phone a counselling agency, hospital, or funeral home to get some grief counselling that might include some information on this kind of situation. In the meanwhile, hang in there. Stay in touch here, and keep venting as much as you need to. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.