hihowareya-blog

So just going to be blunt here.

Feel like crapola.

Yesterday I was grocery shopping. I like to do the self check out since then I can make sure I get the correct pricing, make sure nothing is scanned twice, and check the pricing of things I'm unsure about to know whether I want to buy them or not (budget conscious). Anyway, I did that, and I still like to check my receipt on the way out, just because I know I've run into many problems in the past. So, I was wheeling my cart while looking at my receipt since something seemed off, and then the store security stopped me and said there was something in my cart that I hadn't paid for. I am horrible with authority figures and just strangers in general, and lock up and get scared and just probably seem really stupid. Anyway, I was taken into their little security station. It turns out a small eyeliner pencil or something like that had gotten stuck in my cart and I hadn't noticed it and then forgot to check it out. And I use my own bags, so the leftover ones I brought in had covered it.

So, I got taken into the store security custody, and they took my info, had me sign something, and then gave me this little print out that said I may be fined $25-$300 dollars. I felt so incredibly stupid, and by the time I realized they were really taking this mistake seriously I was trying to hold back tears. And since I was getting all stressed out about it, I triggered a headache (which eventually triggered a killer migraine) and so then I was getting all sick and tired and had to close my eyes because the light was bothering me and gosh, I can only imagine what they thought. And then when I did sign the thing, they said read it over, but I couldn't read it since my eyes were stinging and all blurry. One of the guys there said that I was not admitting guilt, just that I was signing to say the info was correct with my name and address and such, and that what the item in question was and so forth. But still, those horrible feelings in the pit of my heart and stomach were wrecking havoc on me.

I felt like crapola and got to the car and just sad and cried. And of course it wasn't just about this shoplifting issue, but it certainly set off the tear ducts. I was fogging up my sunglasses and was desperate for a tissue for my runny nose. I was kinda hoping the security cameras in the parking lot would pick me up there sitting and crying, and then one of the people who detained me would come to see if I was alright, but alas, no one noticed. I then remembered I had a bag of food for the food shelter in my car, and thought it was as good a time as ever to drop it off. So, I went back in with the bag, my sunglasses on to hide my red eyes, my nose sniffling, my coordination lacking due to my migraine.

The store said I'll be receiving something in the mail. The police weren't contacted, but still, I know that this will be attached to my name. If I want to do any work for the government they'll know about this with researching my name. I've been watching a lot of Burn Notice, see, and I want to be a spy. And now I can't be anything because of this.

Anyway, I just feel so gross and dirty after that experience. I know I probably shouldn't share this, but it felt good getting it out there. It's so embarrassing and I feel so stupid, even though it was just an accident. I guess I'm lucky that I've never been stopped by the cops so far. But, I'm sure with my luck nowadays I shouldn't be counting my chickens.

Sigh.